{"id":132,"date":"2011-01-26T20:56:26","date_gmt":"2011-01-27T04:56:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/?p=132"},"modified":"2011-01-26T20:56:26","modified_gmt":"2011-01-27T04:56:26","slug":"the-case-of-the-missing-key","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/?p=132","title":{"rendered":"The Case of the Missing Key"},"content":{"rendered":"

It happened last night.  Jerry was out of town and I was coming home by myself after working late.  (Yes, all that bitching about Jerry being the one who\u2019s always working long hours and the second he leaves town my workload triples.)  Mrs. B raced me to the door like she always does.  Already weighed down weighed down with my purse and other loot, I grabbed the slippery pile of CVS ads out of the mailbox, stuck my key in the door, turned the knob and walked in the house.  I took the key out of the door knob.  I had the key in my hand<\/em> and when I walked into the house and when I dropped the slippery pile of CVS ads on the countertop the key was gone.  Gone!  It was no longer in my hand.  It had evaporated into thin air.  I swear!  <\/p>\n

I panicked.  What the hell happened?  Did I black out or something?  I frantically started looking through my purse.  I sifted through the pile of CVS ads.  I picked each piece of newsprint up and jiggled it, expecting my house key to fall out or something.  I crawled around on the floor. I looked under the welcome mat \u2013 50 times!  When Jerry called from his Las Vegas hotel I was outside in the front yard peering in the grass<\/strike>  weeds with a flashlight.  <\/p>\n

\u201cI lost my house key!\u201d I wailed.  After I haphazardly explained that no, I wasn\u2019t locked out<\/em> of the house but rather was simply crazy and didn\u2019t know what I did with the key once I got in<\/em> the house and then assured him that I wouldn\u2019t burn the house down next, I hung up the phone, turned off the flashlight and went back into the house.  And then without even realizing what I was doing I stuck my hand in the side pocket of my gym bag and viola!  The key fell back into my hand.  <\/p>\n

All this to say\u2026what?  Well\u2026if my gym bag hadn\u2019t been weighing me down none of this would have happened.  See?  Working out is a real pain in the ass!  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It happened last night.  Jerry was out of town and I was coming home by myself after working late.  (Yes, all that bitching about Jerry being the one who\u2019s always working long hours and the second he leaves town my workload triples.)  Mrs. B raced me to the door like she always does.  Already weighed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=132"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/ladyjessop.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}