Oh yes I can type.  And I’m taking over this blog right now to set the record straight.  My mom, the Lady Jessop, loves to exploit my cat-like ways in a desperate attempt to get a smile out of people.  Ha!  Funny!  Let’s see how much you smile when I fill you in on the rest of the story.  

Let’s start with that post about the vacuum cleaner a few weeks ago.  You all know that cats are the vacuum cleaner’s main prey don’t you?  Sucking up our fur, which we carefully place throughout our homes in a most tediously expressive manner in order to mark our territory (I personally take my fur placement practice very seriously and do it with some frequency), is only one level of the damage that screaming beast does on the delicate cat psyche.  It also sucks up essential bits of dry food which we could very well need for future use if our owners neglect to keep our dishes adequately filled (you never know).  And of course there’s the obvious fact that they can also consume an entire cat.  No one ever talks about that but it’s a known fact among the cat community and if pressed I could site specific case studies on this taboo subject. 

So despite having full knowledge of the known evils of this destructive appliance my mom, the cruel Lady Jessop, insists on owning one and actually let  it loose a few weeks ago during a very important time of day.  A time of day that is very sacred and precious to me and cats worldwide: canned food time.  Everyone knows how important canned food is to cats.  It’s an important biological right that we are all entitled to. 

So there during my very important canned food ritual which involves an incredible amount of work – loud purring, constant rubbing, strategic claw usage, all while on the brink of death due to starvation — the vacuum cleaner suddenly starts screaming towards me forcing me suddenly out of my ritual and sending me to seek protection.  I spent the next half hour hiding behind the couch and had anxiety attacks for the rest of the evening.  And then she wonders why I spent the next three days puking?