Well that didn’t take long. Already I regret embarking on this 30 Days of Truth project. Maybe this is what I need to forgive myself for.
OK, all joking aside, this topic has actually gotten me thinking about something. No, I do not have some big horrible regret I’ve been carrying around for years that I need to forgive myself for. Not that I haven’t done a lot of stupid shit in the past. Believe me I have but all the stupid shit I’ve done in the past is done and I’m not one to hold on to a regret. I gave up on regret a long time ago when I realized how damaging it can be to one’s state of mind. So because I have no regrets, I don’t really have anything I need to forgive myself for.
I’ll tell you something I do have though, and that’s an inner critic. My inner critics is the bitch voice inside my head who constantly tells me I’m writing crap. Turning that bitch voice off is kind of like forgiving myself isn’t it? I think so and last month I was able to do it.
I’m talking about NaNoWriMo. Remember that month long novel writing project I said I was going to do? Believe it or not but I actually did it! Well, kind of. I didn’t end up with a 50,000 word novel but rather a 26,422 word novella. It’s not exactly what I set out to write but it was more than I have ever written before. And I was able to do so by devoting a couple of hours a day to writing with the bitch voice in my head turned off. And that in itself was a huge achievement.
Will I be sharing my 26,422 word novella with the world? No way! Even without the bitch voice in my head I know that thing I wrote last month is a huge piece of crap. Most of it doesn’t even make sense since the characters seemed to take a life of their own and about 5,000 words in the storyline completely changed. But still I did it and it wouldn’t have been possible if that bitch voice had stayed in my head.
So thank you NaNoWriMo for helping me forgive and turn off the bitch voice that lives in my head.