Mrs. B and I are always engaged in some form of battle of wills.  Unfortunately the most recent one escalated to heights I never imagined. 

It started a few weeks ago when I fed her Top Kat, cheap food from the 99 Cents Only Store.  I told Jerry it was a mistake but Mrs. B showed me up by going straight to the food when Jerry poured some into her bowl.  They were both pretty smug about it. 

A few days later I noticed that the food begging increased.  First it got earlier in the day and then gradually increased.  Even after her nightly ration of wet food Mrs. B was not happy, evidenced by her extreme neediness and inability to make a decision.  She wanted to go out…she wanted to come back in…she wanted to stare at the window…she wanted to sit on my lap.  

One morning I finally realized that the Top Kat was the problem.  The bowl was always full because Mrs. B rarely touched the stuff. 

“Ah ha! I told you!” I finally got to say to Jerry.  However by this time my cheap nature kicked in as well.  No way was I going to let this cat force me to toss a cheap bag of food.  Instead I mixed in some Friskies for a Friskies/Top Cat mix.  “She’ll never know the difference.” I bragged. 

It worked for like a day.  Then I started noticing pieces of dry food scattered outside Mrs. B’s dish.  That bitch was picking out the Friskies and spitting out the Top Kat! 

I persisted and refused to cave.  The begging became constant and more intense.  Sometimes she even pulled out claws.  I retaliated by pulling out the vacuum but Mrs. B ultimately prevailed with her own V-class weapon: vomit. 

She waited for a calm Saturday morning while I was innocently curled up on the couch with my coffee and a book.  Mrs. B wandered into the room and as I listened to her crunching her food I smiled triumphantly, not yet knowing that her attack was about to begin.  She regally marched to the middle of the floor and calmly licked her paws and cleaned her face.  Then, as I was reaching for a sip of coffee, she crouched over and puked on the floor.  She then jumped up on the couch and puked again.  At my feet. 

Horrified, I realized I was a victim of a real life revenge puke.  I was defeated. 

Although we was immediately kicked outside, Mrs. B was ultimately the victor in our battle.  An hour later when she came back in all traces of the the Top Kat were removed from her bowl and I promised to never make her eat it again. 

Never mess with a cat’s Class-V weapon.