I see Flash Fiction challenges on blogs all the time and never give them a thought. Then yesterday I saw a Tweet from Chuck Wendig that caught my eye. I went to his blog and read the challenge in full. The assignment? Write a horror story framed as spam.
I was compelled and had to give it a try. Two minutes into the project I immediately realized how hard it would be and almost gave up. In the end I’m glad I didn’t. It is, admittedly, low on horror but high on scam and creating the voice was fun as all get out. And so here we go. What do you think?
My dearest friend I write you with most urgent need. I assure you most that this is not much scam as my need is great. I am HRH Prince Dooya Fukguys last remaining heir of the Fukguys Royal Nigerian dynasty.
My need is great as I am currently prisoner to vampire clan in deepest Nigeria. It is a strange and terrible story that you must believe. I was captured by the lead vampire just weeks away and am desperate to escape. They sleep by day and torture me at night staring with their red blood eyes. They get hungry for human blood each day and snack on my neck. The pain my friend! Oh the pain! They keep me trapped in their dungeon with nothing but the internet to please me and feed me rib eye steaks against my most vegetarian pleas. I suffer from the daily torturous pain. It’s true my story is!
I have enlisted the services of a vampire hunter who will kill the horrid vampires but first he must receive his pay. I must send him $1,687.93 from only an American bank. Please my friend can you help me? I can send you today a cashiers check for $1,687.93 that you can use to fund your bank account and wire the money to my vampire hunter by the name of Mr. Phil McKrackin.
It will only take hours for Mr. McKrackin to release me from my captures. He is a reputable vampire hunter who will most quickly work. If you send me today your address where I can mail the cashiers check I will be released by October 31, 2014 when I can wire to your bank a reward of $15,000,000 from my royal Nigerian dynasty bank. I must have your assurances for help immediately my friend as I grow weaker from loss of blood each day.
Please my dearest friend I await your response.
HRH Prince Dooya Fukguys
Sent from my gmail account
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Ok, I must have the emotional age of a 15 year old, but I laughed hard at that prince’s name.
Thank you for reading! 15 year old humor courtesy of Sal and Richard.
Okay this was awesome, complete with an ad at the bottom, nice!
Very nice! 🙂
How fun! Well done! Very well done!
This was lots of fun to read. Way to go!